What do you do on a quiet day?

Sunny and peaceful, that is what today is. However, with a cuppa of coffee i am absolutely buzzing in anxiety. Yes, not a very smart idea to having a low down on stocking and revamping my window up this week.

Several things struck me today.
1. I need my journal, this just helps me accomodate all those pent of feelings and a way to journey my way through the past and present
2. Drink 2 litre's of water
3. Healthy living , despite having my domesticated life again
(cant wait to eat my trevally with sesame and zucchini's)
4. Get on with technology in all sense, so with internet back home and blackberry services available. I should be able to rock my way through every aspect of business
5. I need a day off where i can sit and not sit in front of a computer.

xx

Just Realize

Lately, my rants have been merely of an obsession of how everything stinks. Yeah well few weeks ago my mood was zero but lately with all this time with me and my new regime of making myself healthy. I have started to push aside the "crap" and welcome good karma and good vibes despite being so stressed about things.

So, with a lot of courage and smiles im opting for more happiness that i can create.
Enough ranting about the bleak black pool and try to make of whatever i have.
So , in conclusion as long as im healthy, surrounded by people i love,food in my cupboard and clothing on my body & i am able . This equals to being grateful , therefore a deeper sense of peace that i havent been able to achieve in a while now.

So far much of the clockworks i thought that were dim, have started to tick again. So yes, welcome a busy hectic life from this moment till we end this year in which i am very curious to where it will take us.

Total total mood for a big transformation which generally means a haircut/hairstyle change.(hehe* been pulling my extensions out, i had major dreadlocks happening there) Ohh, and lately my current obsession is too puncture my balloon cheeks and face? what is this can old age make my head bigger!??! hehehe*
it tickles my tummy actually, small body and big head. I might start to resemble a bratz doll!

Recent chats with my girlfriends have also added more spice and delight.
The chats start to resemble the obvious. Relationships--> wedding bells
Body --> gravity is starting to push the body into dif directions, mostly downwords.
Independence,

xx
current song : Colbie Caillat- Break Through

Women and our space

Lately , most of the time I find myself whisked away with the noise of the droning train. In that split moment, my eyes ..mostly my thoughts fly away and land on my next movement. Paving through the streets while my toes are curled in a frozen frenzy. I feel the urge, the urge to write .I'm not much of a writer but from the time to time. I like to indulge, in a little tale of nursery rhymes.
Today, i find that it was the first time in months i had my own space maybe a year. Rather strange how in a day, the room smells of flowers. No dust on the shelves. Clothes put away, scooping away to bowls of soup and plenty of SATC to keep me company for a few weeks.
What is it with women and our way of moving around in our space. Its the complete opposite of men. In some ways i think this is why marriage goes into a dump hole. We move like preened peonies while men slumber along with a trail of socks. Hilarious but absolutely true? So, the argument of question in hand for a modern women is Do you slave yourself to him?
Taking your way into the next chapter of life. We often find ourselves whisked away during the high time of dating but honestly after the braced fingers take place.We all start whining, bickering and arguing of how the plates are everywhere and the collection of shoes soon to be named the pile of "Imelda Marcos" consumes the room. As modern generation, the first instinct is to protect and attack. Guess what? Hun, it doesn't help the line of married couples.
So what do we do? Compromise, but retaining the feminine role in which is to nurture.I mean, after all...men are big babies and at the end of the day . They want to be babied , full time! I am on for feminism but when you settle to build a family. It's your choice to make it work as it is for the partner. So, hand out your betty crocker apron and whip up your 3.5 american dream. Enjoy and laugh off the silly small stuff that sweats your head because you and him are bigger than unfolded laundry.

S.O.S

Having & humming the S.O.S song in my head, over and over again. Lately i have been hit with the "blue" bug, seriously I'm relatively chirpy when it comes to things even after getting a head lock or guillotine moment ( as sayang puts it ). Despite listening to happy tunes of John Mayer, i am stuck in jello- o. Puts you in that funny scene in HONEY I have shrunk the kids ! Put me out of my misery and hand me a giant chocolate to savour my sorrows or befriend me my giant ant so he may take me away like thumbelina and the swallow.

So far, I have managed to compartmentalize and slowly gather the piles and solve them slowly. Off course if possible, i hope it can go away by this weekend! or at least in the following week.

Back to other misc. things in my life, I find winter just puts me into a hibernation mode. As soon as light goes, I'm wanting to veg in my little bed and curl up to good old fashion TV. I should say DVD as i still need rabbit ears to get TV channels to come through. I slip on to my Jammie's, hrmmm i think tonight is a good book night and you know what . Today , I'm going to pray. I'm going to pray for my family ( all of them ) and all my loved ones.

I feel that's what I'm lacking, some spiritual thought and happiness to feed my soul.Yeah, seem to mentioning soul a lot. Scary huh? Mid life 20's crisis. Haha, not to far from 30 and lets see what i will come up with then.

You can Never Run or Hide

Turned out this trip, was my way of running away. Despite having to face my now reality, i found that in many ways this trip helped me heal my tired body and soul.
Made sure it was purely filled with what i truly needed to do, so forgive me if i havent made my time in the day sometime in the trip to book in the date.It was purely to feed my soul with the essentials

A little place called Home

Home home is where the heart is, momentarily doing some healing and work.
I would like to dream away about being at a beach somewhere, would i be crazy
to take a bus up to Penang where my cousin is at and lay in the sun for a mere day.
Im glad to have a free day and do absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, i have a small voice which pulls me back to reality.

sigh* i need to head back to Melbourne soon

A fan of the big picture

I thought i will be naughty today, indulging every bit of my jet lagged body to gather the vintage/past pictures to remind me a story of how i got here. Many of them which were off my little sister tiana, she was an absolutely adorable little bub . Yes, we spoil her rotten! Funny photos which catch you at the moment, im tempted to whip out my camera to give it a shot. My photographer eye to catch every moment of sound, laughter and tears.

I remember spending hours as a little child flipping through photos in my grandma's house and also trying to figure out an untold story behind those days of smiles.
Cant wait to have a whole series of montaged photo. I really should sleep but this must be the excitement of being home.

I LOVE THAT IT'S MUGGY AND IM PERSPIRING
I LOVE THE SMELL OF RAIN
I LOVE BEING WITH MY FAMILY
I LOVE THE TASTE OF MILO IN A CARTON AND 100 PLUS
I LOVE EATING ALL THE YUMMY ULAM AND FISH
I LOVE KNOWING THATS THERE S A DANCE STUDIO AROUND THE CORNER
I LOVE JUST BEING HOME...MOMENTARILY...chuckles*

Dont worry syg, in case you re reading. I MISS YOU LOADS TOO!!!

Beat of May

Beating down to the month of May, Yes im forwarding a week.
Anxious about the many mini projects all launching in one go.
How exciting is this? But i am thankful for the tornado coming towards me
because without much hassle and tears. I wouldnt be in this predicament,
which is STRONG....

Excited to feel the breeze of warmth and familiarity within my reach ,
thats the beauty of what i would like to call a holiday .
I would never get a holiday of a holiday, im taking a holiday to gather
myself and be in my zone for work. Where i can actually get a lot done.
Launching our new line of autumn/winter collection and a good website up and
running. yeay!

Till, i have my feet in the sand. My weekend is predicted to be BUSY

That funny feeling

Today, im having that funny feeling sitting in my tummy.
One i seriously need to cut out my alcohol as it clearly drains my body out,
and also the amount of caffeine i consume.

Looking forward to my nesting place which would mean YEAY! DETOX,
Welcoming all the good fruits and some old fun sweat !

That sounds seriously gross, but i need a break!

End of the hectic month?

It's one of those days where we have nothing but empty bubbles, yeah im feeling that right now. My jar is flowing with a million of activities in which i want to accomplish by the end of the week.

Here's the never ending list
1. 4 proposals which i will remain tight lipped about it
2. Sorting out my room
3. Getting the water company to pick up the unit
4. Ensure the couch is out of the house by the weekend
5. Arranging the back room again! ( inclusive of new furniture)
6. Updating memoirs website
7. Healing my foot which is sprained right now
8. Marketing on sunday
9. Laundry pilling up so high!
10. Sorting out my cats
11. Surviving without going broke

So, lets see if i can tick off all these mini activities

till my next blurp
xx

Craving for a piece of rainbow

Here comes along another Weekend, which means im creeping up to end of April pretty soon! Noooooooo, actually yeay! Meaning the end of a hard month.
Nway im looking forward to moving out for real, Still have the bulk furniture laying around the now house and honestly* our new housemates must think i dont want to move in.

* Cheers to the weekend of many cleans and patching my two cats together + millie

I dont know whats going on but the streets are awfully quite for a friday. However, planning to bury myself into a organization mode. As, i did that whole of monday /tuesday. This time i look forward to putting in the drawers and a table , voila* hopes that spruces up the back room. I also have a whole heap of returns and tagging to do. So after 2 pm till 6 pm , a good solid 4 hours i should get all of that done. Leaves me the weekend to concentrate on customers.

Yes, lately my mind has been tunnelled with a lot of "work" visions and truthfully that consumes me and everything else in it.

Till the weekend is over
xx

Holiday Blues

Current: Prob 2 kg heavier from this photo

Then: Nothing has changed, prob the rise of activities in life

OK, today was productive. Not only was i away from the lap top at work, i was up from Morning till Late Night sorting out our new stock and making sure everything was tagged and marked properly. Oh boy, wait till i bring in my shelves and cupboard. It will be good as that would introduce a proper shelving unit into the backroom therefore making it easier. However, prior to that. THE CLEANING is just daunting. I reckon i would truly be organized by end of next week.

We're out of paper bags but I'm wanting to use the big ones till half of it is gone and then will i order the mini white ones. The light at the back needs changing so i will sort that out when ajie gets in, wait a minute another light is also out at the front entrance. Mmmmmmm..... in the mood to change the front display hangings. I want to go crazy with the design but my mind is like plugged and congested. So I'm moving things into a pile and doing them as slowly as possible.

Moving has been a failure, however at the rate we're going with things. This would mean that my room will be homey by the time i get in. Rather ridiculous that body corporate only allows moves on the weekdays, i mean people need to work.....

Mood: Mixed with sleepiness and also bloated-ness. Yes, gn you have to quit the sweets. Head says and speaks of tomorrow, its not the weight though the tummy starts the resemble one of a 5 yr old. My body and soul feels awfully sluggish in the morning. Its amazing how true the body mimics what you eat, so i need to stop the junk and load on the "healthy options". I love it anyway aka fruits and veg, admittedly lately I haven't had any of them .

1. Its expensive, if i don't pack or buy them at the markets
2. Most restaurant are meat friendly and have pathetic string of what they call veg dishes which usually plate down to baby slices of cucumber, tomatoes, baby leaves and carrot. Ewww.....
3. I run out of recipes by the second day
4. My partner doesn't eat them, so its rather selfish if i have a cook out and have them all favouring my vegetarian appetite.

Oohhh, its raining. I LOVE the pitter patter of rain, imagining myself curled up to a good book. Ahhhh, cant wait to move. This makes me laugh and reminds me of my Enid Blyton days , hah ...... familiar moments of the way i express myself in writing. Yes, like a children's book. Detailed enough to imagine yourself in my shoes. Strange!

Looks like my hands and mostly heavy eyes are slanting towards making a deep big sleep tonight. Please be good to me dear old Melbourne....No more surprises

xx

Time permits

Staring into space & literally having the eye balls glued into something that's not really there in the midst of a giant crowd actually zones you . When the "zone" begins, your body almost seems transparent and i drift. I could drift and split myself into a manifest of thoughts. Then, snapping back to reality and falling down with a loud big thud where i realize, god get a grip gee-Ann.

I have moments like these pretty often, yes scary that i enjoy my solitary moment of non existence. Tonight that is the plan, in about 5 Min's i will take a few steps to pick up the sign board & my last existing flower pot to begin my journey home.

1. I want to some light packing & sort out my million of clothes i have
( to be honest, i have gotten rid of most of them)
2. Do some work on the com, well tonight
3. Head to the new house and feed millie and check on chloe, filling the new cupboards with things
4. Draw a timeline of what will take place in the next few weeks in this jam packed schedule i have
5. Nap....i so badly want to nap....

So, rather boring chores and i bet only 50% of that would be achieved!
AHHHHHH..... tram has just passed, meaning I now am stuck in the store for at least 10Min's before the next one arrives.

*Super excited about the built in book case in the room where all my untouched books are sitting right now. Surprisingly I have another case to fill in and somehow or rather looks like my giant shoe collection will sit there...ah yes, I would never call myself a shoes collector and yet i have somehow managed to collect 30 over pairs in 8 years??? Isn't that normal? That's the whole point of today, learning to chuck what needs to be cleared . Time to zen the moments of a hoarder and relinquish the Buddha of necessity

OK,check I'm back home and what are my initial reactions. Scum down the bag of famous amos that sayang has bought. So much for "cleaning", good news is we're heading down and that means I get to clean my room! Thinking about unloading my collection of bags into the cupboard and moving my lucky bamboo plant that slowly is turning into a sickly yellow. Poor thing, looking extremely unhappy in this room. Not to mention, Dali went a little mental on chewing most of the leaves up.Thanks! Sigh* Growing so well in chevron and now looking so wilted. Time to move my baby over & start reviving back my magic tree.Lets see what google magic has in store for me to nurse my plant back into tip top condition?

Thank you for getting back to me but the leaves are not the part that is turning yellow but 1 out of tree stalks are turning yellow.

I printed out the newsletter and will read through it. Should I be worried about the stalk turning yellow?

Jamie's Reply: I am a little concerned. You may have some type of pathogen — insect or fungal. Check for scale or spider mites both are insects. Scale will be a cottony substance or a shell like attachment on the stem or at the base of the leaves. You will need a magnifying glass to see the spider mites — they will be actively crawling around. As for fungal, check for soft tissue any where on the stem especially at the water line. One other thing have you fertilized your lucky bamboo? I will research a little further to see if I can come up with any other possibilities.

ackkkkk!! I will be giving it a quick rinse in the new house and also check for these mites!!! i reckon it's probably the water. After much reading in several forums. Looks like there needs to be some surgery to take place on the yellow stem and cleaning out the existing pots and stones.

xx

Queen of ????

Month of March & April, certainly temperamental. I mean name the amount of trouble someone could get through. Well guess what? That's my colour chart, the range of colours could certainly blind your eye sight from a mile away. Hounded i say by trouble, Giana plays a blessed soul that constantly surrounds herself by a chain . No, i call it a multiplication of test by the man above to see how far her boundaries could be pushed and to which point will she indeed choose sanity or insanity?

Conclusion: I find myself greatly disturbed of my tolerance to pain. Sometimes, i figured if i seem "MEH" i could indeed be less stressed and take the devil by its horn and say the big fat " F YOU " because I'm beyond this. How scary, it is to be in the unknown and that's my dark cloud. The big black hole of nothing swirling in my mirror, that's my future dangling by the Achilles heel.

I suppose that's human dilemma, I'm hoping the subsidised "busy" schedule i have this month would soon turn to ease in May clearing that rather cluttered head of mine. The home can be filled with home cooked meals, Loving cats & my nights with good books curled in my hand. Ha, yes fate laugh me in my face and say dream on!
I smell a good image of my body running about in endless chores of business.
Sometimes, i wonder why don't i have two of me? One could be the vision which is my entrepreneurial side and the other the home maker where i can indulge in a carefully chosen lifestyle which mainly depicts a Pilate's session and Martha Stewart moment with my freshly baked apple pies.

So, slowly breeding my skills into a queen of cards. Silly enough, i could not even handle a day off on a good Friday? Practically in jitters, i sat for a moment feeling a giant pang of...... guilt? Its as though i have programmed myself to fill in action in my day. This is when i think my head needs a rest and a holiday.

Here i began to conjure my dream city and life in New York. I could almost taste and smell the NY air from the last trip. Secretly,i so badly want to pick up my bags and go. Where i could just use even a second to diminish any existing point of madness and just wave the magic wand to form my very piece of art. The tales of travel, my wide eye expression and my magic sponge effect in which i absorb everything in my environment. I sense the building forms, the movement of trees and people. The change of air and smell, entangle in a moment. I crave for those moments which i so long haven't seen.

This is the year, where i am almost quite certain and determine to wash off that chalk board dream and almost tattoo it into my skin . It will be better despite certain circumstances, surely i can do it. I keep getting little mini signs or drop of hints with New York, *chuckles* i reckon its my mind projecting what i want.

twitch* twitch* My eye is doing some weird heart thumping moment in the corner.
Must be excited for my sudden need of an adventure, before i get ahead of myself
and start speeding off into the green light.
I take a big gulp of air, sweep my fringe to the side & do an upward motion with my arms. I quietly pray "to the big guy up there" and believe that as i search in between this web of mess. My little butterfly of hope always appears when i need it most.

yet another easter

This time we would be dividing my expressive paragraph into two. Just in the need to change up the way things sit. I'm feeling utterly uncomfortable today! From my silly fringe (so regret cutting), to my bloated tummy, dehydrated body, the chilly chills that creep up to me and mostly the thought of moving out. But i keep things bright , just imagining the house. A moment where i can let out a giant "sigh" and go ah i am homeeeeee....



So what do you think? Doesn't it smell of home! Hahaha, I guess you can call me a traditional house wife with the perfect home being defined as a lovely Victorian home with a garden and timber floor. However, before we go any further. I am going to make a list to see whether i can truly be called "wifey"

Wife characteristics
1. Love cooking
2. ANAL behaviour of cleaning
3. Love groceries
4. Even more in love with markets
5. Curling up in our space
6. Shopping for unnecessary bits and pieces to make it more homey
7. Yelling at ajie on a daily basis

Modern characteristics
1. So so about laundry, prefer to do my share
2. Washing should be done fair
3. Work long hours
4. Always on my lappie even after work
5. Independent on my social outings
6. Going dutch on expenses
7. I need my healthy range of food

So, then i googled the role of a "traditional housewife"


A homemaker handles household responsibilities as his or her main daily activity. While not an occupation in the traditional sense, as it is not usually undertaken for monetary remuneration, a homemaker may work full-time to maintain the home environment. The term emerged as part of the 'politically correct' movement. The occupation is typically taken by one adult of a household, such as a parent of a child unless all working age individuals in the household work full-time. If the homemaker is part of the family, a female homemaker is usually termed a housewife, and a male homemaker, a househusband. The domestic consumption work[1][2] of homemakers provide goods and services directly within a household, such as cooking meals, childcare, household repairs, or the manufacture of clothes and gifts. Common tasks include cleaning, cooking, and looking after children.

So, this marks the point of life where home comes first before settling anything else. Looks like most friends are heading down the path despite getting engaged before any of them . I am so happy to see that our generation is getting a better grasp on forging a unit with their partners. I guess not necessarily the gage of being married but you know carrying on to another level through different types of commitment. Love is in the air for 2010

The "Body"

Feeling the sudden "urge" to understand better my sudden obsession with the body. I had always been a little skinny bean as a child, i didnt get any curves as a teenager & a regular figure when i was in college.

Now, i can say that the body is resisting to keep in top form and i can immediately see the difference as soon as i start to consume sugary drinks everyday & adding meat to my everyday meal.

Results, i have lovely love handles & a flab ab stomach & my thighs....yeeks*
For one thing, i dont do exercise so i started pushing in a daily 30 mins quick run
after work. Ideally i would like to do it in the mornings. Its amazing how great i feel the next day

So, yes im ranting about lumps and bumps.
Dont get me wrong? I dont want to be super skinny, but you know i want to feel good when i get up in the morning, i want clothes to slip in like a second skin & i dont want to feel the need to hide myself behind blousy clothes or step away from 'poly' material.

Today was a decision making day to set up a food diary and to knock in a few bunch of routines. Im a little extremist which means if exercise is drilled into my system i will just do it everyday
and if i want to get into a health punch, i have to start eating home ( rolls eye* it's not an option and i need to save some $$$)

So, Here's to a start to drinking more than 1 glass of water a day and working my way to healthy living

A big glow

http://www.youtube.com/user/sthiagi#p/a/u/1/TmB0LMymV3U

http://www.youtube.com/user/sthiagi#p/a/u/0/Vv7iJbG0u3A

A big glow,
One i didnt expect to occupy.
I guess when i was little, there was only me.

Me to create a picture,
Me to draw the bridge.

This is the unexpected beauty of family,
She is the continuation of the story.

This is a time for soul feeding & today i did a bit of that,
reflecting on the formation of family & the unexpected glow
of a being proud of a family member,
I love my baby sis too bits & i cant believe how fast she's growned.

Soon enough, she will over take us and we will all have
the need to protect her under our shelter.
Its uncanny how my perception of family is,
Sure enough we have been swung over my a whole lot of "drama",
Sure we dont look like your regular family,
But through and through we are a unit.

Multitudes of Reflection

My pockets are filled to the brim,
The lightness of that financial drop
is wilting over that droopy slope,
Time and time again,
I wash myself with endless dreams of greens,
Time and time again
i restlessly pick myself up to wind the walk,
Beyond my vision,
beyond my endless fight to stay up,
I'm still finding the light out

Glad to find that i can resume to uploading my pictures while i do a moment of reflection. It has been a rather interesting and amusing weeks for me.
My soul, mind & body has been pushed beyond my boundaries and i am happy to say i can keep going despite being toyed around with the old friend called "fate".

So dear fate, what do you have installed for me and my friends.
Amazing that the moments of rethinking, moments of rescheduling is gruelling down all our minds and at the very same time.
So beyond the thousand of miles that seperate the 3 entities, we all share a common thought.
Where, why and when should change come?

Let us examine the parts

MY SOUL - Strong, Abused, Likes to Contradict, Confused, Tortured, Sad at times, Exhausted, Determine, Stubborn
Medicine requires a whole lot of spiritual feed, enlightenment & light.

MIND- Wearing down, Tired, Grumpy , Playing a Gemini part in decisions
Medicine requires a Holiday and Support

BODY- Heavy, Dehydrated, Eyebags, Joints are hurting
Medicine requires Exercise, Meditation, Water and a whole lot of love

Funny, when i list it down it so clear and almost dumb to ignore these needs.
I need to feel my soul

January goes February comes

Time passes by too fast for my liking,
There are too many things to do on my agenda,
Im hoping that slowly i will be able to compartmentalize
the " yucky " parts and close them up.

Weather: Muggy & hot
I feel the rise of heat on my laptop,
To be honest i would like to be home now,
Content & hugging on to the couch
Boy* I need some good night sleep

Again, just to impossible

another day to dooms day

Tomorrow, will be marked as a day of judgement.
Ok, this sounds like a bad remake of all the end of the world movies.

I have a whole week of.....packing.
This is a whole make over....Pack physical items, pack up feelings & pack up and move commitments.

To be honest, right now. I have mixed emotions about the haul thats going through my life. Mental block right now....

A solid black box, no cut outs...
Here we go bicker bicker...

A wave of uncertainty

Music: Ben Harper on Replay over...and over again

Tainted, to the highest degree.
Gods testing me for the ultimate juggle and decision making for my mid twenty crisis.

Seriously, i wonder why?
I have to hold the weight of the world ( it seems like it )
with thorns pinching through my bare hands.
Over dramatic? Mind you it's not.

Here i am trying to make ammends with the shop,
hoping to bring a little light into my pockets & catching dreams,
BANG! a Thud! SLAM, struggling to swim as im going agaisnt the waves of collectors.


My future seem to be bleak,
Rather depressing rant for a Saturday but thats were the hands are typing.

A BIG MOVE, A BIG CHANGE & A BIG QUESTION MARK?

Ok, tummy is rumbling & all i can think about is curry laksa....

note* I is constantly used

newbie in the webbie

Ever since i started this new template, im back to square one which is taking baby foot steps .

I cant seem to load pictures in this new setting ....im sure theres a way :). If only i knew how to do scripting ,haha(yeah right! gn) .....That would only happen in another life time

Anyway, everything is in hula hoops now.
Im scattered everywhere , back and forth, up and down...

I notice in the modes of blogging, The art of spilling the beans & the raving madness of my babbles. I enjoy writing, Sure i havent done it in a while but you always seem to come back to it.

Plenty of times this reminds me of a cycle. We blog, we scout for other bloggers & we tend to jump on to a fascination of bloggers who colour their life. Its a wide broadcast of the individual , as we like to read it but sometimes i wonder whether deep down inside it's a specticle of a shadow. Nothing runs deep, it's just a reflection. So, despite knowing the
daily scoops of the bloggers life. I mean no one really knows.

To rate myself as blogger, i would say im a 0.
Neither there nor here, always been like that.
The middle ground, i never enjoyed being labelled to be
in a certain category. I hope i wont ever. So, you can call me
an island. MISS ISLAND....haha

I am my own, expressing rather strange twisted sentences.
Sometimes stories, sometimes moments. I would say moments.
This is what i write about, cutting the chase.
Documenting the little bits that make me happy, not to make
it into a paparazzi campaign.

Fascinated & eager to leep off & to drop everything.
Seriously whats stopping me? Life of a human being is dictated
by rules, who set up these rules??? Curiously, the way we shape human
society starts from the beginning at the top and foremost. FAMILY!
The one ball and chain that straps your feet to the concrete chamber.

With them, they tie the knot to your freedom.
Theres no physical implications but the power of
making you feel guilty & bad, is their speciality.
Maybe, it's the silence, then the mind starts with consequences that builts rapidly in
your mind . When in fact, you could prob take of at ease.

To be a tree hugging & non materialisic woman would be amazing!
I want to visit 3rd world countries, climb mountains,
Live by the paddy fields ( this i will, sorry syg! that includes you too!),
Backpack & work at bars, Scurring along with chooks....
I dont know guys? This is it, my picture perfect life....
Im so close to doing it...

Then, you're zoomed back into reality where commitments a bitch.
Where you need money to do the simple things in life.
Crazy! Take me back to the 70's, let me roam free and be
a hippie...

Till then,
rants are back!

owl in bed

yeah, exactly that. I should be all snuggled in bed with lovely dreams of tomorrow.

Instead im washed with fear of tomorrow,
This time its rocking my boat and im hanging on a thin thread here.

Constantly anxious of everything, jumping at any news, no peace, no sanity.
This time im on my own, charging at my own drum..while lay next to my safe house, who snoores contently.

Fear , fear of just living.
Fear that this cycle doesnt end!
I want to be a child, dreams nothing but days ahead. Dreams of rays and light.
its to late now, im on the otherside with sorrow n much dissapointment of the mirror.
I want to be picked up, oh its been a while.
A while since i felt the need to miss those secure handsI want to be a child, the child i was once.
The one who needs nothing but a gentle hug.
I miss those days of randoms, sit by and play
by.
Exhausted and weak.,
i will pray that day will come where i would be blessed for a day on earth.




+m beat

Rewing & Hit Playback

Here it goes, the playback & lessons learned in 2009.
What a year it has been, full of challenges & amazing things to.
On a scale, it was balanced. However, why does it feel like
moving forward to 2010, the taste of ligering 09 is there.

A new year, a new outlook we say. Well, i truly hope so.
All i can say know is, determined on a couple of things.
Just to finish archi without any turmoils . Just smooth sailing where
i can devote my love and attention to design.
Big big plans surely for memoirs, the passion thats part both Vanessa & i.
Thats one thing no one is going to take from us, it's embedded.

I want to be free. free from that encircling ring thats been part of my
ball and chain for years now.
Perhaps this is the year where brighter ventures can be heard and spoken.

Im such a big kid, big heart & views.

xx