Wednesday, January 31, 2007
due to sleepless nights and moments that could momentarily infuse a chemical nuclear reaction, this combination = resulted to my infamous migraines ( every fucking 2 weeks )
which offcourse can only be treated by
2. a nice jab of vitamins on my tootsie's
water and more rest
2nd day of recovery seemed to have resulted into an angry me,
i woke up with a bloody nose, i havent gotten those in years and offcourse a little kick of a migraine. As i try to type and hype up my blog, im slowly feeling the surging heat that's boiling in my body....maybe i am sick and maybe i do have fever. whatever it is, it's not placing me in the best of moods.
so today, i am miss lola...miss primadonna... the dramatic role i will play for the whole week.
My day to kick in and rant, my day to be spoilt.....i had a funny dream about having max brenner last night which is a complete no no right now for treating my splitting headache but wouldnt mind a dose of chocolate lick. i think i definately have a bad case of i miss melbourne syndrome...
Friday, January 26, 2007
in the mood for the beautiful, i decided to discover something new in the wallpaper website. Felt like looking at some stick thin models with their big thresses and also for some gorgeous garments that could inspire the day.I then came across felder felder, there is something sensous about the way the material flows down her body or maybe it's the red kink in her hair that caught my attention. There's something rather dark about the way she stares, the solemn background which makes it the perfect thing for me.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
mood: i cant express how much i miss melbourne, how much i would do anything right now to be back in tastebuds serving annoying customers or even having to go down to my favourite brunswick bakery and having a jog in melbourne central fitness first gym. I miss monging out watching dvds the whole night with ajie, making visits to safeway down at lygon and wearing pj's while i am at it. Or even having simple arguments on who's doing house chores and simply walking on my own down in the city. I could use a bit of sanity, a cut of my life, i need it back.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Sunday, January 21, 2007
so here's the story of the conflict diamonds...
"The RUF began its jewelry heist in 1991, using the support of neighboring Liberia to capture Sierra Leone's vast wealth of diamond mines. Since then, the rebels have carried out one of the most brutal military campaigns in recent history, to enrich themselves as well as the genteel captains of the diamond industry living far removed from the killing fields. The RUF's signature tactic was amputation of civilians: Over the course of the decade-long war, the rebels have mutilated some 20,000 people, hacking off their arms, legs, lips, and ears with machetes and axes. This campaign was the RUF's grotesquely ironic response to Sierra Leone President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah's 1996 plea for citizens to “join hands for peace.” Another 50,000 to 75,000 have been killed. The RUF's goal was to terrorize the population and enjoy uncontested dominion over the diamond fields.
While the RUF terrorized and looted the countryside, thousands of prisoner-laborers, worked to exhaustion, digging up the gems from muddy open-pit mines. Many ended up in shallow graves, executed for suspected theft, for lack of production, or simply for sport. "
i am also here to rave about the movie that changed my perception towards a "big white wedding",
blood diamonds. no wonder, it won an award at the golden globes. Somehow i am pretty sure this movie might create a little awareness to all those wannabe wives to think twice when heading down to jewellery shop to pick out that perfect solitaire ring. well, i hope so. The cast of the show did terrific acting, leonardo somehow pulls it through in his strange accent. To me, it felt so real. They really showed how someone losses a limb as well as their life over something that is not meaningful.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
As, i began yet another day of monging. I stayed tuned and glued on to oprah
which out in the open is one of my favourite shows. this time around they
had an interesting interview with lynn kohlman a famous model in the 60-70's that grazed every popular magazine possible, she worked with her best friend donna karen, became a photographer and unfortunately developed breast cancer. The cancer then spread to both of her breast resulting to surgery on our womanly gifts. Can you bear that? but she made it through. Unfortunately again life can be a struggle when it wants to be and she was then diagnosed with brain cancer. How do you take news like this?she had another surgery and this amazing stapled steel thing going across the side of her scalp came out of it.These amazing self potraits were produced which i cant seem to trace on the net.so, that is a shame.
Sometimes when you are forced to face with death,instantly everything changes. It comes right down to time limit. Every moment you have been through becomes somewhat pointless and you are facing right into the end of your own legacy. Somehow, we all think we would live through the day and have a life of eternity. We do act that way, dont we? Nothing else keeps them going except for the fact that every moment of that day is spent with a sense of living. Anyhow, i may have not come to the point of death but i have come to the point of losing because of death. That alone leaves a mark for me.
back to lynn kohlman, she has a book out called lynn, front to back which i is one of my "wants". So hopefully, it's out here or if not i will try to trace it in melbourne. i guess it may seem corny to have these kind of reads to motivate you but i am a firm believer that god, places us right in this earth to survive.so, i will close one eye to every depression and dislikes that walks into my way. take a deep breath and despite how much it hurts,try not to get affected by it.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
"as i sailed pass distant memories, every song and memory embedded in me has been washed away by a dominant shadow. Every step i take, every decision made is recorded, sometimes presumptions of lies .....more lies is made upon those who are innocent. Not knowing every step i take, not knowing every sweat i break. struggled to even climb stairs yet alone try to build one. so, i pray and i hope that god would clear the path, sweep away those who judge and open my eyes to something bigger."
trials and tribulations: Its amazing how people make assumptions when clearly they do not know you. Despite how long you have growned up with them. It is as if every step you take is made by them. So where does this leave me space to breath , where does it leave me space to grow.That is the thing they dont take to account is that people are made to decide. They have not realized i have journeyed on my own since the passing, they dont know me deep inside. they just dont know.It is sad how much i have tried, it is sad how much i dont have a say.It is pure sadness, that i have been assumed for what i am not.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
today is a mong out day, despite the fact i had already made a billion and one plans.sigh* wish i knew how to drive or atleast lived a lot closer to civilisation.
i officially had my first prosperity burger last night, seriously not a very interesting thing to rave about but i actually do like it.maybe it's due to the peppery taste it acquire's. Probably it could be the fact i was starving, i have no idea why i am binging so much. I would end up putting all the weight back and more , thanks to my new craving for food every five minutes.
Hrmmm....the choc sundae didnt even tickle my fancy, just tasted like melted vanilla ice cream and cheap fudge chocolate.why did i finish it, no ideaaa.....?!? the golden arch is definately evil
Monday, January 15, 2007
mood: swampy & humid
The discussion of today lies in the "empty boxes" that have been throwned out by my mother.
she reckons the every bit of junk i have collected should be chucked into the bin, basically my treasure's and my memories are unimportant to her. I have collected scraps of paper, pictures, gifts , cards down to flight tickets. I dont know it is a habit i always had, salvaging anything of any part of my life. let it be a boring day to a day filled with excitement. I have been rather lazy over the years, so i have stuck to just collecting little bits to bring me down to memory lane. So, here comes my new form of technology in terms of saving me, through my silly blog. However, as i was taking a stroll down old reminders it seemed as though i have changed a great deal, in my perception towards life. I dont know if it is for the better, i was a lot more passionate about everything i placed myself in before. I may have drowned in a deep pool now, of illusion. I am blinded by whats in front of me and also whats is behind me.Let's see if i would snap back and start concentrating on 'myself'.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Monday, January 08, 2007
i have been kicked, opened up inside & out & finally choked.......
so, here i am bare naked without any walls to hold me in
without any skin......"
it can be hard to write in this period,it is also hard to speak.
all i can do is find refuge in myself. there are no more jam fancies, toffee apples
or memories to build.There are no sky high dreams or planes to catch. there's nothing but hard cold realities. That is the face i see in every corner and in every room. huddled and smacked into one another.Need to breath in a while, need to reach for the familiar but i am back...back to where i was. No ambitions, nothing worth while to pursue.
- loved: i was so smitten by these boys or actually the movie(lords of dogtown), i didnt even start from the beginning and it was already pretty impressive. It must have been the quality of the film and the way they laid the storyline. I liked the colours(that catches my attention), the long blonde hair,jeans,ripped bodies, the trippy & hippy parties & the contrast of characters between the 3 boys.
- friendship: its nice to see a moment, a moment where friends could come to their sense's, put aside their differences and just share that time, a time that placed them to be friends.
- relationships: buzzing from the beautiful dresses, that signify my beau has finally and proudly single handedly manage to acquire my quirky taste. :) selamat & mahal na mahal kita*also you are looking pretty rosy....
- a gap is missing, however i treated it by having a beautiful haircut, thanks to mdam celia.everyone had a makeover today at nats :) and the product is a thumbs up! it's so crazy but the bangs were a big influence by the blondie boys and the need to be stuck in the 70's.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
*i ended up buying another dress* shesh a pair of pants and some face mask. haha .....
completely far from getting a pair of shoes...
cant wait for my sayang to be back, god i do miss him....
mood: full, content & sleepy. Truly i have become a major slob. haha, but i will be getting off my tootsie's for a lil run in the mall.
I have list of agenda's in my head:
1. to hangout with sabby & get a nice pair of shoes
2.to somehow persuade my parents to watch a play because it is much needed in their social life
3.meet up with mandy baby for a chilled out time in cynna
4.wish all the birthday babies "happy birthday" (tita izza,tita mila & pet)
5.hopefully survive the night without having to look torned, worned or tired.
the apple toffee for today is (drumroll)
1. ajie arrives today actually i will prob only see him tom since it's a late flight
2.celia is cutting and giving me a new look...well just the bangs...wipee....*
long awaited appointment with this lady.
finally,able to put up photo's of the last roll of siem riep
Thursday, January 04, 2007
i have the sudden fettish for blue today, maybe unconsciously it is the colour of alice's dress. Perhaps it is also reflecting my effortless decision to be a couch potato or maybe it is my desire to be with the clouds.
Whatever it is, i am in the blues. I need to have some classic jazz in my head or the fact i need to be more productive is the case.hrmmm...starting to get all sing songy in my mood to blog.
--->however i managed one positive thing : planning to have potraits taken with my mama and also have separate potraits taken of ourselves courtesy of sifu adely if he's free.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Since, currently i have been taken over by the evil demons of "lifeless" time. I am offcourse suffering from various problems.
1.a numb body and headache
2. an eye ache
3.lazy to the bones
4. missing every bit of my other half, which i have endlessly mentioned which is turning out to be quite pathethic.
5. the need to munch
so hopefully by breaking the chain tonight and actually stepping out of the house, i may just get my life back.this sounds all to dramatic. The key plan now is to keep my schedule busy from Jan 2007 till the end of Dec 2007. does that count as a resolution? because i am quite through to making them. I know, i will give it a new name, i will start calling them lifetime promises. Since in fact it goes through a whole process of breaking & keeping, breaking & keeping.
I have decided on making healthy promises to my breaking body:
1. no more chocolates, well in moderation...(eep i used to indulge in bars and choc parlours)
2. more gym time ( did make a progress before coming back to kl)
3.less drinks...more like stop it...
it's funny how we get all hyped about the new year, let's hope there's plenty of nice things in store for all of us :)
missing my bestie nass, wish we had more time..but will visit you in april.insyaallah
dont really know where to begin & to be honest entering 2007 seems like no change to me.
I did not make any new year resolutions this year nor have i clung to something on to the new years eve. A little silly to be proud but i sailed and nailed through the night with good company and heaps of fun, remembering twirling on the dance floor once in while. It was simple good party, however i am little worried about my short attention span & blurry moments towards the end of the morning. So, if i was a little silly with friends..im sorry! Yet, i was safely in bed....tucked away and still recovering till today. shame on me !hahaha.....
here's a list of newbies as of the new year.
1. my baby tiana is all growned up and finally in primary
2.my soul mate has extended his stay till the 6th! missing u so much!!!
3. i have lost 3kg's or more. thanks to herbalife...dont seem to look stick thin
4.waiting for more exciting independent times of my own cause i did fly
on my own this nye.