Sunday, January 31, 2010

another day to dooms day

Tomorrow, will be marked as a day of judgement.
Ok, this sounds like a bad remake of all the end of the world movies.

I have a whole week of.....packing.
This is a whole make over....Pack physical items, pack up feelings & pack up and move commitments.

To be honest, right now. I have mixed emotions about the haul thats going through my life. Mental block right now....

A solid black box, no cut outs...
Here we go bicker bicker...

Saturday, January 30, 2010

A wave of uncertainty

Music: Ben Harper on Replay over...and over again

Tainted, to the highest degree.
Gods testing me for the ultimate juggle and decision making for my mid twenty crisis.

Seriously, i wonder why?
I have to hold the weight of the world ( it seems like it )
with thorns pinching through my bare hands.
Over dramatic? Mind you it's not.

Here i am trying to make ammends with the shop,
hoping to bring a little light into my pockets & catching dreams,
BANG! a Thud! SLAM, struggling to swim as im going agaisnt the waves of collectors.

My future seem to be bleak,
Rather depressing rant for a Saturday but thats were the hands are typing.


Ok, tummy is rumbling & all i can think about is curry laksa....

note* I is constantly used

Friday, January 29, 2010

newbie in the webbie

Ever since i started this new template, im back to square one which is taking baby foot steps .

I cant seem to load pictures in this new setting sure theres a way :). If only i knew how to do scripting ,haha(yeah right! gn) .....That would only happen in another life time

Anyway, everything is in hula hoops now.
Im scattered everywhere , back and forth, up and down...

I notice in the modes of blogging, The art of spilling the beans & the raving madness of my babbles. I enjoy writing, Sure i havent done it in a while but you always seem to come back to it.

Plenty of times this reminds me of a cycle. We blog, we scout for other bloggers & we tend to jump on to a fascination of bloggers who colour their life. Its a wide broadcast of the individual , as we like to read it but sometimes i wonder whether deep down inside it's a specticle of a shadow. Nothing runs deep, it's just a reflection. So, despite knowing the
daily scoops of the bloggers life. I mean no one really knows.

To rate myself as blogger, i would say im a 0.
Neither there nor here, always been like that.
The middle ground, i never enjoyed being labelled to be
in a certain category. I hope i wont ever. So, you can call me
an island. MISS ISLAND....haha

I am my own, expressing rather strange twisted sentences.
Sometimes stories, sometimes moments. I would say moments.
This is what i write about, cutting the chase.
Documenting the little bits that make me happy, not to make
it into a paparazzi campaign.

Fascinated & eager to leep off & to drop everything.
Seriously whats stopping me? Life of a human being is dictated
by rules, who set up these rules??? Curiously, the way we shape human
society starts from the beginning at the top and foremost. FAMILY!
The one ball and chain that straps your feet to the concrete chamber.

With them, they tie the knot to your freedom.
Theres no physical implications but the power of
making you feel guilty & bad, is their speciality.
Maybe, it's the silence, then the mind starts with consequences that builts rapidly in
your mind . When in fact, you could prob take of at ease.

To be a tree hugging & non materialisic woman would be amazing!
I want to visit 3rd world countries, climb mountains,
Live by the paddy fields ( this i will, sorry syg! that includes you too!),
Backpack & work at bars, Scurring along with chooks....
I dont know guys? This is it, my picture perfect life....
Im so close to doing it...

Then, you're zoomed back into reality where commitments a bitch.
Where you need money to do the simple things in life.
Crazy! Take me back to the 70's, let me roam free and be
a hippie...

Till then,
rants are back!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

owl in bed

yeah, exactly that. I should be all snuggled in bed with lovely dreams of tomorrow.

Instead im washed with fear of tomorrow,
This time its rocking my boat and im hanging on a thin thread here.

Constantly anxious of everything, jumping at any news, no peace, no sanity.
This time im on my own, charging at my own drum..while lay next to my safe house, who snoores contently.

Fear , fear of just living.
Fear that this cycle doesnt end!
I want to be a child, dreams nothing but days ahead. Dreams of rays and light.
its to late now, im on the otherside with sorrow n much dissapointment of the mirror.
I want to be picked up, oh its been a while.
A while since i felt the need to miss those secure handsI want to be a child, the child i was once.
The one who needs nothing but a gentle hug.
I miss those days of randoms, sit by and play
Exhausted and weak.,
i will pray that day will come where i would be blessed for a day on earth.

+m beat

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Rewing & Hit Playback

Here it goes, the playback & lessons learned in 2009.
What a year it has been, full of challenges & amazing things to.
On a scale, it was balanced. However, why does it feel like
moving forward to 2010, the taste of ligering 09 is there.

A new year, a new outlook we say. Well, i truly hope so.
All i can say know is, determined on a couple of things.
Just to finish archi without any turmoils . Just smooth sailing where
i can devote my love and attention to design.
Big big plans surely for memoirs, the passion thats part both Vanessa & i.
Thats one thing no one is going to take from us, it's embedded.

I want to be free. free from that encircling ring thats been part of my
ball and chain for years now.
Perhaps this is the year where brighter ventures can be heard and spoken.

Im such a big kid, big heart & views.