in need of air supply

i needed to have some time to get away from the usual hustle and bustle that spills out of my life when im kl. The drama , the nags and the constant headaches that fills my head. I just needed to reflect on a time where i had nothing to think about. Away from those who drown and bring me down. I needed to fill new air into my lungs, perhaps a new perspective on things. Which i did come back with, as katt read from a book which said not to hold on to anything as that would just bring u down. let go & from there u will find happiness. In my own literal take of it.

I believe now that i should not take it in, they say what they want to say but i have come this far in life without any help and to struggle and strive on my own with my hard earned sweat and patience.I am my own person

--->Chiang mai was refreshing because of the outdoor fun we had but my god, the heat was something i couldnt handle. At times u just want to faint because you are boiling inside. Sweating non stop, i can say now that i wont ever complain about malaysian heat. Thailand is way hotter in summer.

Waterfalls were breath takingly beautiful. Extremely big in scale and amazing, something u might catch in hawaii. The town seems relatively close to mindanao, quiet , peaceful.

Bangkok was good too with new friends to meet and tasting the local feel.

a beautiful photography show, by a malaysian artist, her major work is coming up in 2010 in kl(keep it posted soon). It was a sweet touch to the trip. It is ironic to be away in a foreign country to be enlighten about your own country there. I felt her work was personal as a malaysian. Also the fact that she questions her identity as i do, being half heritage of another culture.

Enjoyed mango tango & lots of drinks as i nearly passed out in the city...hahaha

kap pun kaa! to katt for bringing me and taking the time to welcome me to her home :)
thanks to dj ob for bringing us out and making me some cd compilations.

when is your call?

intently listening to my heart, i wonder when will it be my turn to visit this holy place. Somehow,despite physically saying i cant. My mind is saying i can,It is such a beautiful notion to be gathering for prayers and only prayers. Placing yourself as how many muslims have. My dad is going today which is enlighting. Proud and admire the courage for a convert to be taking a big step, what does it say to all the other muslims who are born into the religion? anyway, i will just pray that his journey will open his heart and that everything goes well and safely.

getting into astrology

lately, since i have been slammed with unwanted favours passing by me, I decided to turn to the chinese astrology to get a little fun and see whats out there for me in 2008,

Birth Data: giana zulkafli
Birth Date:

October 26, 1984
Signs
giana zulkafli
Year
Wood Rat
Month
Wood Pig
Day
Wood Sheep
Introduction
After two Fire years, life may seem calmer during this Earth year. That could be deceptive, however, as the Rat never stops moving -- especially when it comes to mental activity.
Unfortunately, Earth has a destructive relationship with the Rat's fixed element, Water. This is not disastrous, but it does mean you should not rely too much on luck this year.
On the other hand, the combination of Earth and Rat means this is extremely positive year for achieving results. The Rat tends to take a lot of risks, while Earth is associated with practicality and stability. This creates balance and can lead to good profits, increased productivity and all other accomplishments. Additionally, under Earth's influence there could be fewer scandals than in other, Rat, years.
The Rat is the first sign of the Chinese zodiac and signifies new beginnings. That makes this year an appropriate time to start new ventures and break new ground. This includes new ideas, directions and ways of doing things. It is a time to experiment and put plans into action, as there will be plenty of opportunities to achieve success. Remember that things began during this year are likely to have long term consequences, so choose your actions wisely to enrich your life.
This year is also an equally good time for thinking and all manner of intellectual endeavors. Planning, scholarship and research, for example, are favorable activities. It is also an auspicious time for the arts; although, under Earth's influence, applied arts such as design and graphics may do best.
Earth favors those who are tied to the land, do a lot of routine work, deal with practical matters or perform work of a spiritual nature. Based on the characteristics of both Earth and Rat, it could be a very good year for those with careers in business, construction, engineering, academia, planning and the clergy.
There is likely to be a focus on career and self-improvement this year, to the detriment of family. Therefore, you need to be attentive and creative so that the family area of your does not suffer. It is, however, a relatively good time to begin a new romance. Those in a relationship may want to consider raising it to the next level, including marriage.
Since this is an Earth year, those people born in a Metal year will generally fare better than others of their animal sign, while those born in a Water year are likely to do worse than those born in Wood, Fire, and Earth years.
Health issues vary not only by sign, but also by individual. Your best bet is to visit a Chinese doctor to have your balances checked and get personalized advice for the coming year. It is an Earth year, so one thing we can say in general is to get enough exercise and be on the alert for unwanted weight gains. Inactivity could lead to problems.
In closing, 2008 will be a year of possibilities, a time of progress -- although not very spectacular. Those who take the biggest risks could be disappointed. Everyone should, nevertheless, add something new to their life during this year of fruitful new beginnings.

past primary, past high school & uni

everyone has growned up, mellowed or either hyped up. But it's still a beautiful agenda to still hang out with each other despite everyones lives being filled with things to do.

look what the mail brought

you know it's funny how i was complaining about not getting snail mail but this is certainly a lovely twist to my request. "So, maybe chilvary might not be dead"

just needed to be reminded, ahem* but thank you syang! for the lovely bunch.Made my day and just how i like it. Im not a big rose fan...expecially red ones. I like other flowers that are less commercial, i love big aussie bush flowers and with heaps of colours in them.god, such a rainbow child.

rewind* i remember my first bunch. I came home one day and there stood

a very beautiful arrangement. All in the perfect colours. Lily's,african sunflowers, the lot. Initially, i thought it was for my mum from pop. After a while ,i came down to read my note. To my surprise , it was for me and it was nice. haha, nice to be acknowledge. Not for attention but for the friendship.

once upon a time

"Walk down the memory lane of Malaysia in the 1920s when you dine at the Coliseum Cafe & Hotel. Established in 1921, this cafe is one of the oldest in the country. The old furniture and decorative memorabilia, preserved from when it was first opened, creates a nostalgic feeling. The extensive menu, with more than 300 items to choose from, comprises both western and local fare. Popular dishes include the Baked Crabmeat and the selection of sizzling steaks. There is also a pub that serves both alcoholic and non-alcoholic cocktails."

it was great to have some time to explore with mama a cafe downtown.

It was beautiful, beautifully retained. I wish i could go back in time and visit this once again but in another time. Where everything was much more simple.

No pollution, no technology, just the malaysian way of living. Everyone was more together, everyone was one.

feeling rather bored

pet peeve: it's been 2 days since i have been home and jailed.
not because i am forced, its just that i cant be bothered to do anything at all.
At the same time im suffering the likes of "im bored at home syndrome"

positive takes : I actually took sometime to really go through and create a list of things to do
in boracay and also what i would like to do in chiang mai.I also did the 2 complaint letters needed by syg which eeps* i finally got around to doing & perhaps i might read some chapters for my driving.

likes---> chiang mai: visit the karen long neck hill tribe in paduang
wat phra singh( temple)
thai cooking class if time permits me too
visiting the borders in the likes of getting cheap thrills in crossing international borders

boracay: most beaches on list
absolute indulgence with massages
drive an atv on the islands
golden tan
eating absolute pinoy and light food

cities---> bangkok & manila ( mango galore, food) & shopping!!

so, the whole idea of my cartoonic polaroid is the fact i cant wait to start posting up some great memories thats going to be made via pictures...

clicking on

act 1:
innocence.
lately i have been taking on subjects that reflect a mood. Due to the current need to seek beautiful black and white potraits. How do we convey the idea of innocence?

Do we strike a dramatic "ahhhhhh"
look? Do we get taken back and think of the days about our sweet childhood?
Whats the perfect mood for innocence????

Its funny too, to have met strange characters in your course of life. Those who laugh for the sake of laughing, those who would flatter their eyes in the needs to look innocent. Those who lie through their teeth and think that we do not know the truth.
Frankly, there is innocence in all of us.
( i would like to belive in vain)


act 2:
emotions, strikes me as crazy thoughts rushing through my brain. Slaving me
into a nightmare of expressions.
Whats my favourite expression?
Probably,hrmmm...i dont know..
My most used expression, would be frowning. By the time i reach 30, which isnt a far call. I would look like a sharpe...

tee hee*








act 3:
Framing my subjects, Im on an excursion
to thailand, chiang mai next week.
I want to capture, the sounds, the sweat and the very essence of the people. I havent taken photo's
in a while. So, it would be exciting. Bending over,
climbing and standing tall to get the right moments. Making sure my light is right.
How do we take good black and white
photos? what are the right clothes for it?
wheres the balance?



act 4:
Moving objects,
I like capturing frames in style.
Capturing the hair in the right position, the eyes in a proper glare.
Every bit of the body in a perfect stance.







act 5:
Gaze, i like gazing out.
I like picturing myself reflecting out of a window when it rains with a book in my hand. Actually i use to do it all the time.
Time to think, time to pause and look out. This month there's plenty of gazing time for me.....








act 6:
Romance, what the secret soup that brews love in the air? Passion?.....tick tock tick tock( hahaha, insight joke between me and nass ;) )
compassion? intimacy?
I think the "idea" of romance is still there, i certainly see it being acted out on pictures but in real life chilvary is dead. Man no longer take the time to woo you as they did back then. Theres no sweet surprises , rather demands which kills of the idea of romance.
They dont seem to take as much pride to get her attention, it seems to be taking a spin on the other direction.
Where are the love letters? sweet notes? secret meets? little gifts?
love has been swinging on to freely now. Everyone is making it into a market fare
or publicized emotions.

its been a while.......

I will open the page with the word sadness.

it's been a while since i have been sad,

it's been a while since i have wanted to drown my sorrows in despair,

It has been a while since the world looked down upon me without care.

The last time i was sad, truly and genuinely sad was in end of 1995.

Nothing could possibly erase me from that eventful day. Nothing could also live up to the amount of sadness that i received that day. It was a wishy washy of mixed emotions. Wanting to remain poised as a young girl and yet feeling numb ever since. Just waves of sorrys passing by.

From then on, not a touch of events could hurt me. Making me ultimately annoyed and hot tempered.But a couple of days ago, i was sad. For a long time now, i can still feel a pang. It may not be as comparable as to what i felt years ago. But i was just sad.

A pang, that something so close to you cannot be revived. Nothing is the same.

I use to wonder why this happened to me? But sometimes i just ignored it.

Maybe somewhere accross my palm , secretly lies a line that opens a door.

i miss him, miss papa very much......

envy

Envy dictates from the dictionary:

Main Entry:
1en·vy
Pronunciation:
\ˈen-vē\
Function:
noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural envies
Etymology:
Middle English envie, from Anglo-French, from Latin invidia, from invidus envious, from invidēre to look askance at, envy, from in- + vidēre to see — more at wit
Date:
13th century
1: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage2obsolete : malice3: an object of envious notice or feeling



Whats your take on your own personal envy?

I would say i envy those who are willing to be unselfish on the accounts of others. I envy those who can take things into their hands and make things better, not for me and you but for the world. Sounds as though im describing a "super being".

Sometimes i think envy is

dangerous will/has/did destroy friendships.Somehow, i always believe when you are truly great friends. Envy doesnt come to you. There shouldn't be the slightest tinge of jealousy or resentment but actual pure sincere thoughts that a friend does certain achievements.

So, that is where envy could go wrong.

Envy could also be healthy in little amounts creating healthy competition between each other. I mean its also always great to be envied rather than to envy. am i right? But i guess along the lines of life, there will always be a path in which you will get trailed off and get your panties into a twist(as li puts it).






****star buy**** make sure you get yourself a copy of the envy mags
that should be out and being envied soon! credits to nassy baby! for her fabulous photos.

elegance is refusal~ coco chanel

Having to enlighten myself about the french women by

completing the read of " two lipsticks and a lover"(helena frith powell) has raised

the inquisitive need to live life in a different way. Raising my question to infidelity, passion and freedoom.

They say that the french have always remained composed in time with their elegance and poise. After which i do agree

that they do have a certain characteristic about them.

I have learned that beauty is never enough but women with

an air of intellect is hard to resist .( actually i always knew that)

another habit that i would like to raise is

the french are in love with lingerie

~~~> not just lacy racy numbers but actually getting

matching sets not for the pleasures of others but for yourself.

So, take the time to indulge and spend on intimates.

It was a funny question raised with my cousin, kyun.

How many pairs do we all actually need?

How many pairs have you collected yourself?

How many types do we need?

I can tell you that after this . That my love for lingerie for myself will come now. Take some time to strip off everything from your mind. Sit down and think about how un-attractive it is to have granny panties and a black bra? Now sifting through all that i have to make sure that i have pairs would be a task. brassiere should be the new fad.

Passion & infidelity we all should live by it. I think sometimes we put aside what needs to be fueled in us. Maybe with a bit of passion we might find our way into a better relationship and a way of life. I mean in the right quantities, we should not turn passion into greed or obsession.

thats just scary! The French always are in need of a lover as i have taken off from the book. Hence the notion of romance and paris being the city of love. But i made a strange discovery that

a little infidelity does not bother the french at all. Imagine given the context of malaysia, you will be condemned to hell for juggling extra boys on your side. But love is an excuse, there is no harm falling in love or being loved over and over again. Isnt that beautiful, its almost lyrical? Since when has it been a prosecution to love. Ah wait, there are star crossed lovers like romeo and juliet. The likes of families denying them their love. i like being in love , its very clumsy and silly. sparks of a different person in you.

What is scary is when love turns into a chore. Rather than swearing yourself to undying depths of continuous affections. Instead you loathe the person you're with. Just being and staying for sake of the hole that you have dug yourself because of commitments .

But in the end of it all, i found that despite the very temptation of chase . It might just be satisfying that infidelity could just be in the mind ,rather than the act of it.

freedoom off being over weight, it seems as though the number one current obsession on every womens mind is how do we look? I dont know if currently i am obsessed about it? But i do know i would like to see myself in a toned fit body. Its not the crazy magazines that drive me but just a general healthy being. I like waking up knowing that i can be on the go go! for the day. The french eat for pleasure but never over indulging. Despite the numerous packs of cigarettes, glasses of wine & cheese. They just remain thin. Its always about portions and a balance meal of fruits and vegetables. These are all plain common sense, dont you aggree? Im glad that i have more love for greens and fruits.But i think it also depends on how the culture eats? Its hard to deny any good malaysian food especially since i am away most of the time but i have to admit living in melbourne. Has really raised my independence, thus cooking and developing my love for fresh markets. Thats the one thing i want to do when i am in europe. I just love buying fresh produce and cooking.I doubt i would have been like this if i stayed back and studied in malaysia.

So, ladies....slap on more creams and hype up on your beauty regime because getting more sleep is another key secret too looking better.bovarysme~~~