all it takes is a second

Ajie did it, we're both engaged. I have nothing else to say but it was lovely to have good friends and family there.Thanks guys for coming, couldnt have wished for anything better than this...we are offcourse missing one last important person "li bee"

photo of my beautiful ring is taken by balqies :)

" i appreciate the fact syg saved up & bought the ring with his own money, love you"

to war with myself

Something made me wikipedia her today. Have been arguing with others that Cate is actually aussie. So, finally after a long time of procrastinating. I found out clips of her life. Funnily enough, i struck familiarity with her upbringing.

Here goes:
Blanchett was born in Ivanhoe, a suburb of Melbourne, Australia, the daughter of June, an Australian property developer and teacher, and Robert "Bob" Blanchett, a Texas-born United States Navy Petty Officer who met Blanchett's mother while stationed in Melbourne and who later worked as an advertising executive.[4][5] When Blanchett was 10, she lost her father to a heart attack. She has described herself during childhood as "part extrovert, part wallflower".[6] She has two siblings; her older brother, Bob, is a computer systems engineer, and her younger sister, Genevieve, worked as a theatrical designer and received her Bachelor of Design in Architecture in April 2008.[6]

Just keywords off course. Reflection is a part of what i do sometimes. To reflect on others is to learn more of the present.

big plans

remember when you were little when little secrets were hard to keep?

Well im having those moments, cringing & wanting to literally spill.

Spill from having to look at me, reading my facial expressions & what i have to tell you.

I have a little box, & in that box it might just release a beautiful flower or it could be pandora's box.We would just have to wait and see patiently,...waiting for a sign of relief

It will be today (4 hours), tom (24 hours) , the next day ( 20 hours) ... = 48 hours

to be back in bliss.

This to me feels like eternity and for once i am admitting so.

What am i hoping for? for a smooth transition, for a smooth sailing ride , for a moment to smile & laugh, a moment where i could enjoy, a moment where everyone & everything is in place.

mmmmmm....smells some dinner....curry.....

snapping * back to reality. I am loaded by work & running out of time till the show starts.

EEeeep.....Till next wednesday :) & i still havent worked out my dance routines.

Im so hopelessly old in the dance scene or i am just plain forgetful.

Xoxo

werner's bug

i know....crazzy.....another werners stop. Hahaha that place is getting rather addictive.

it's the atmosphere, the familiar faces and the open space..

No one is sweating & getting all grumpy....

Another week has passed, i need to wipe off my dark cloud. Just waiting, i know in a week.

I will see some sense into things. I know that im out every week for a peace of mind behind the chaotic strangers u meet.

filling the tin can

mood---> thumping headache

what fills the stomach--->overdose of homemade soup & a banana

wants---> badly to sleep, and cough* have a shower..hahah

nap first ;) ...

going by a blink

Currently reading: jane fonda,
time: surprisingly longer than usual, not even half way through the book yet with harry i finished it within the day. I guess with work, i hardly have time to even have a day of leisure. Today i have been grated such time, im just exhausted. Truly am.....
I havent even had time to sleep , let alone visit anyone....


Over the last weekend though, i managed to catch up with lovely shauna. Hopefully , get to
see her again before she goes of. What an eventful night, cough* from annoying attention
& the down pouring rain. We literally got soaked....:)

My heartful agenda: waiting for ajie to be back, missed him a lot, still am. He's been busy at work as i have been with mine. Hopefully he's crit went well. I think this parting which strangely happens frequently in our relationship has taken its toll. Feels harder to deal with in time & i think rather than feel estrange as the relationship takes a 5 year mark. It has been rather comical to find that it has gone the total opposite. In the course of it all, it seems that whispering of gossips float around wanting to break that innocent bond we have with each other. I am quite surprised we lasted this long, did not anticipate it. I always chuckle* to say that "we" have probably lasted more than marriages at this present time, long gone were the days of our grandparents.Having toast to 50th golden weddings.

Eye opener:

Relationships are not just based on love but to me, its a chart of different kinds of love. Firstly, the love you have for each other. You know physical & lust. The initial attraction.Then you have respect, which is the kind of love family gets. Thirdly, you have love whereby you have passion of wanting the same ideals and goals in life. That is hard to find because sometimes. Actually, all the time you never meet a partner who's willing to overlook and agree with the same views.Some are closed minded and old fashioned, Others overbearing and controlling. So in turn, what you're looking for is a best friend. Like any gf we have, willing to listen. Compromise & grow with each other. I mean, ajie and i. We dont know each others favourites but i dont think that qualifies us imperfect. Rather we focus on the more important things is life, what we both can bring together as we unite into the current & future.Like business partners? Along the way, we suffer, along the way, we fight but at the end of the day. The puzzle becomes a picture. That we are still together. People wonder about dangerous liasons, venturing out but i think it comes down to you. Every person u meet will tell a different story, if the story you already have is good. I suppose why change it, we only live once and events are due to happen as i have already lived through 24 yrs of it which includes nurmerous heartaches & burns. I think i can handle a little more.

Through the dips & lowest point i have been. My relationship seems to spark it off to a new level of hope. I may not have the smoothest ride on the road but i think if my heart is mended to a beautiful simplicity and that I am happy. I should be thankful for having found someone who's
meaningful enough for me to spend my life with.

cant wait for you to get back.
xoxo

hitting merry

weekends are slowly turning into stress free modes

with access to fun fun fun...

im ticking off till my baby gets back, miss him so much...

comfort & just being with my own personal bestie...

just till the 17th

im over it

im over, expressing myself....

im over feeling angry or sad

im over it...

i just feel emotionless....

my white weekend

it was a good weekend, non hectic.

chilled with lots of eating and rethinking about the past

like an old record player. All in a good way

the best was being in the same bubble

as we all were back in the days.

Us four reshot pictures together :) as taken

before at red chambers and the after in the present.hrmmm must get a hand on the before.

i love wearing white....though i could never go without staning it...shesh*

glad , going to have lunch with them tom. yeay :)

work hard & play hard

pictures courtesy of wallpaper offcourse ( archi + fashion = hot)

questions crossing my head---?

I managed to push myself through grueling pain ( flu + fever )

in order to be at work despite the fact that i have temporarily lost sense

of smell and hearing.

:) does that mean i am growing up? hahaha

in terms of work offcourse. Actually with work at Dinkums & Gelati

despite having numerous accounts of migraines . I still attended.

So, perhaps in the work force ( i will be professionally working in years to come)

i have matured. Maybe i will look for a part timejob in a firm in melbourne, rather

than the non related jobs i have had in the past.Time to get crunching!

I want to finish by next year.

interesting notes*

1. learned to approach clients in malaysia

2. feeling to push work time and more to over time

3. Learning to use programs extensively

4. Having a feel of other peoples experience.

5. Learning mostly & direct contact with the architects

6. Doing different kinds of panels.

Im pretty sure now, this is what i am going to do & will continue

to touch on the design aspect of things. I will venture out in

fashion without a doubt, im think of doing interior actually too.

It doesnt make sense to only have one skill when man had plenty in the past.

They were inventors, architects, were farming, making craft & etc..

So, we do have a long line of capabilities. Its whether you would like

to squeeze it out or not.

help, i have lost my parrot

"A missing parrot has been returned to his keeper after reciting his full name and address to a concerned vet. "
Police rescued Yosuke the African Grey Parrot from a rooftop in the Japanese city of Nagareyama over two weeks ago. He spent one night at the police station before local cop Shinjiro Uemura transferred him to a nearby veterinary hospital while he looked for clues.
After a few days, Yosuke began chatting with the vet, repeatedly announcing “I’m Yosuke Nakamura”. The parrot then provided his home address down to the street number and even entertained the hospital staff by singing songs.
Police contacted the address and sure enough, its resident was delighted to hear his missing pet bird was safely found. The Nakamura family told police they had been teaching the bird its name and address for about two years.
But Yosuke apparently wasn't keen on opening up to police officials. "I tried to be friendly and talked to him, but he completely ignored me," Uemura said.

gn: I am going to type my conversation

syg: stop typing! can i get your attention

gn: no i want to blog!

syg: urghhhh...ok!

gn: we havent written to each other in a while, how do we make it different?

syg: keep sending you snail mail.

conclusion---> sweet notes in exchange for nice messages.

syg: i save ur messages

gn: u dont save them!

bicker.........

bickering & excuses.......

gn: i love u, do u miss me?

syg: too much

jiwang talk...i want o be back home where i can fold clothes, clean the house, eat choc, hug my cats to death & snuggle next to you

i wouldnt mind going for a drive for coffee , it's been a while.

syg: u dont drink coffee?

gn: thats an excuse...

syg: max brenner

i chimed in cinnamon babka with extra choc dip

step into the real world

am i beaming? am i seriously smiling? am i sad? am i truly aching?

I know that i can be an actress at times. Not to you, not around people but to myself.

Sometimes, i deny my own self the need to be truthful...sometimes i smile so that you

would be happy & pretend to be content when im really not.

Thats the beauty of expression & the many faces.

Work was interesting, it was nice to be put out there.

I was rather frightened to be honest but i think we all get a little

scared when we are left out on our own.

So, now im going to be working full time in W for 2 months.

The only hard thing is the travelling..nothing else.

surprisingly, im enjoying it. Enjoying not being a bum.haha

Knowledge---> feasibility study, now i can put a price on a building :)

twinks*

Accomplished a lot of things today which in turn puts a smile to my face,

flashback*---> havent done that in a while,well from manila offcourse

Got up on time and early for the driving exam.

Made sure i went through the whole book and every silly mistake i made to understand more about driving.

I found myself in a little bubble, well besides sweating like pig in the heat& slowly falling off to sleep. We all sat in silence during the ride.

:) a very fancy van that was..cough*, anyhow we ended up somewhere away in shah alam . Ironically close to home, silly how i had to get pop to drop me all the way to pj to come back to shah alam again.

anywayyyy..i passed the exam!! yeay!! im halfway through to having

a skill in my life :) i managed to score 46/50 which i thought wasnt too bad at all.

i headed straight away to book in my last lecture on saturday then

all i have to do is to sit for another 3 hrs with an instructor for basic driving and then to proper driving lessons for 12 hrs.

After having a cheary moment: hopped on to a cab

rushed off to pyramid thinking i could head in for a colour appointment extra early.Ended up having to wait till 2pm , students do need to eat. So, i couldnt argue to that.

Somehow managed to kill time nicely with some reading and lunch.sushi* yummmm....

Hair moment no???? like i said i have a hair identity crisis.

I love changing hairstyles like clothes.

I decided on having highlights & doing the full colour myself.

after about a good solid 3 hours, i was pretty impressed.

he did a wonderful job :) im glad i managed to squeeze that in today

Got kuya(thank you!)to get me back home & he taught me how to drive.

Hehehe so i drove home well from the round about to home

with some streering help. All i need to do is to CALM DOWN & be confident :)

i think i can do it.

OH yes, i need my contacts. im pretty paranoid about being

blind on the road and anywhere actually.

Plus, that would help with rehearsals too...

Another item done is Nassy's book: Wonderful Today by Pattie Boyd

married to george from the beatles & eric clapton.

beautiful book , beautiful pictures, inspires me again with my photo's.

Compelling life full of unknowing events.

Def a great read! thanks sweetie :)

check more great photo's on her website.

http://www.pattieboyd.co.uk/

it makes me think? what sort of relationships would turn out for each and every one of us?

soul mates or crazy lusty love/passion?

How do we truly decide who is right for us?

Looking at closer precedent, everyone falls into that well....of mistakes

women turning into scorned lovers & men tripping over young ones.

I just hope that it turns out well, where i meet my bestfriend & love at the same time.

feeling lost at sea

blobbling over water...blobbling over a whole mess of things.
This clearly indicates my need for fresh air and in the need to get back home,



what shits me-->


the weather, i hate wanting to have a shower after a shower,
the stupid unfriendly public transport that is full of danger,
the hassle of learning how to drive, why cant it be easier,
my own sweet money, i miss earning my own dosh,
i hate monging....



* totally venting out on things. i need to chill
yesterday was nice though, a touch of family is nice

miss homebody

Staring blankly at the plain canvas thats sits in front of me.

What comes forward as a subject today, I have managed

to organize myself better i suppose.

Writing delayed e-mails meant for yonks ago, jotted down important dates

so i dont forget them and clash them with others.

Started to put things in the right folders. Mini chores that i didnt realize that had to be done.

next jump---> Labelling & designing my necklaces.

Tidying my ever growing wardrobe that sits in my suitcase

so, sad. i dont seem to have a placement in this house.

I now sit in my little square cubic room , quite content actually...

todays push---? Cough* still havent opened the undang undang book...

Continue designing my logo

Call in the archi's.......

Work out my outfit for tom so that i wont die in the heat

i hate wearing a shirt and long pants in kl,especially if im being exposed in the

sun. Not cool to look sweaty.....

better add credit to my phone so i wont be bored tom and nass's pattie boyd's

book.

water......bottled water......

Back to being a homebody, maybe in between i will slip in one of my many pinoy dvd's to watch.

tee hee* still in my pj's .

lining off the clouds

(comic moment in manila:i wish we all had driving schools like that)

Realization---> Frankly, i get over things quite easily. Somehow this seems as though i have been possessed with multiple personalities. Crazy raving women hormones as one could put it. Certainly not PMS? but with similar symptoms which range from being emotional and volatile in the first few hours in the day to feeling quite nothing in the next day. Almost as though it never happened. I know, it can be frustrating especially to poor dear ajie who has to listen to my rants and torments which are clearly kept at bay in front of others. Should i call that hypocritical , i dont think so. I just choose wisely and carefully on whom deserves the lucky call of my tornadic (hehe, clearly a word i made up, could be in the dictionary? have no time to check now) howls.

I do rant occasionally to my fellow best buddies sweet naturedly offcourse , after all they are taking their time to listen.

Being a scorpio, i must be secretive. This blog alone is a little chamber of let loose secrets, circling around to strangers i wont meet, to friends who may check in once in a while and family members who peep to see what im up to. That somehow doesnt intimidate me as much as to gush out in real life and on the spot. phew* i sound like a hermit

However , im feeling much better today. Better than yesterday and have slightly rubbed on some sunshine on my shoulder. Maybe i was questioning too much, so what i will do from today is just to run my life the way i have projected it. Little bumps, busy busy & patience along the way.

wink* ---> finally booked in my com exam for thursday morning & hopefully the last lecture this saturday. Im sick of hanging around & i just need to drive...

moderately dispositioned

mood: currently feeling unsatisfied with the time line of things.

2 months left, 2 months left to bring out a folio, submit design ideas,start my jewellery line, rehearse for a show, sort out my driving, arrange my visa back to melbourne and hopefully not to go insanely mad at the process. hopefully praying that things would finally fall into place, i miss sanity, i miss peace.....

to be honest, im fried. thats why i worked hard so that i could take those two trips

off to my own version of never never land. Far aware from the complications of problems,

the familiar faces that i do not want to see. Im not quite sure, whether it worked affectively

for me. Whether a week in thailand changed my perception but i do know that the 2 weeks in manila brought sweet memories that projected me back into my childhood. Great grounds of love from my mums side.I will never complain of the crazy traffic on the road let alone in the shopping malls,the pollution that stains the buildings, the honks of jeepneys, the short rides on the tricycles, neither will i nag about the crazy american food chains that splatter themselves all over manila. It is my home,part of me that no one can take away. Somehow, when i was little i used to wonder whythe malaysian side of me would cease to approve of me visiting? isnt it my right to have part of me discover where my mother comes from. It hurt deeply knowing that i should even be denied access of visiting. But im glad im much older & for now i clearly do not give a rats ass about other people's thoughts and views on where i should go. I have always fended for my own trips and payed for it.

"na mahal na mahal ang family si nanay ko". I love my mum's side of the family dearly.

they have always been supportive. Even though, i didnt get to see them much.My grandma "mummy" is a doll, she's so affectionate and sweet natured. My grandpa though a slight hitler touch to him was such a lovely person. He's handsome smiles and talks i wont forget. Slightly cheeky and makes the funniest comments. My aunties and uncles, all so giving and supporting of all our decisions and ideas. It must have been a great ensemble when they were all together. It makes me wonder what life would be for me if i did live in the philippines with them. Secretly, i think it would have been interesting

But as much as i could dream of being away in far places where some events didnt happen.

I guess i should remain patient with what the plate has. My triumphs could be shortly change into joys, my wounds could heal, my eyes & thoughts could open to greater visions. Another note i took in from this time of relief is my clipping hands on the keyboard has started. So, that is a positive note to write more often, to lay tracks of history down my path.

in need of air supply

i needed to have some time to get away from the usual hustle and bustle that spills out of my life when im kl. The drama , the nags and the constant headaches that fills my head. I just needed to reflect on a time where i had nothing to think about. Away from those who drown and bring me down. I needed to fill new air into my lungs, perhaps a new perspective on things. Which i did come back with, as katt read from a book which said not to hold on to anything as that would just bring u down. let go & from there u will find happiness. In my own literal take of it.

I believe now that i should not take it in, they say what they want to say but i have come this far in life without any help and to struggle and strive on my own with my hard earned sweat and patience.I am my own person

--->Chiang mai was refreshing because of the outdoor fun we had but my god, the heat was something i couldnt handle. At times u just want to faint because you are boiling inside. Sweating non stop, i can say now that i wont ever complain about malaysian heat. Thailand is way hotter in summer.

Waterfalls were breath takingly beautiful. Extremely big in scale and amazing, something u might catch in hawaii. The town seems relatively close to mindanao, quiet , peaceful.

Bangkok was good too with new friends to meet and tasting the local feel.

a beautiful photography show, by a malaysian artist, her major work is coming up in 2010 in kl(keep it posted soon). It was a sweet touch to the trip. It is ironic to be away in a foreign country to be enlighten about your own country there. I felt her work was personal as a malaysian. Also the fact that she questions her identity as i do, being half heritage of another culture.

Enjoyed mango tango & lots of drinks as i nearly passed out in the city...hahaha

kap pun kaa! to katt for bringing me and taking the time to welcome me to her home :)
thanks to dj ob for bringing us out and making me some cd compilations.