moderately dispositioned

mood: currently feeling unsatisfied with the time line of things.

2 months left, 2 months left to bring out a folio, submit design ideas,start my jewellery line, rehearse for a show, sort out my driving, arrange my visa back to melbourne and hopefully not to go insanely mad at the process. hopefully praying that things would finally fall into place, i miss sanity, i miss peace.....

to be honest, im fried. thats why i worked hard so that i could take those two trips

off to my own version of never never land. Far aware from the complications of problems,

the familiar faces that i do not want to see. Im not quite sure, whether it worked affectively

for me. Whether a week in thailand changed my perception but i do know that the 2 weeks in manila brought sweet memories that projected me back into my childhood. Great grounds of love from my mums side.I will never complain of the crazy traffic on the road let alone in the shopping malls,the pollution that stains the buildings, the honks of jeepneys, the short rides on the tricycles, neither will i nag about the crazy american food chains that splatter themselves all over manila. It is my home,part of me that no one can take away. Somehow, when i was little i used to wonder whythe malaysian side of me would cease to approve of me visiting? isnt it my right to have part of me discover where my mother comes from. It hurt deeply knowing that i should even be denied access of visiting. But im glad im much older & for now i clearly do not give a rats ass about other people's thoughts and views on where i should go. I have always fended for my own trips and payed for it.

"na mahal na mahal ang family si nanay ko". I love my mum's side of the family dearly.

they have always been supportive. Even though, i didnt get to see them much.My grandma "mummy" is a doll, she's so affectionate and sweet natured. My grandpa though a slight hitler touch to him was such a lovely person. He's handsome smiles and talks i wont forget. Slightly cheeky and makes the funniest comments. My aunties and uncles, all so giving and supporting of all our decisions and ideas. It must have been a great ensemble when they were all together. It makes me wonder what life would be for me if i did live in the philippines with them. Secretly, i think it would have been interesting

But as much as i could dream of being away in far places where some events didnt happen.

I guess i should remain patient with what the plate has. My triumphs could be shortly change into joys, my wounds could heal, my eyes & thoughts could open to greater visions. Another note i took in from this time of relief is my clipping hands on the keyboard has started. So, that is a positive note to write more often, to lay tracks of history down my path.