Queen of ????

Month of March & April, certainly temperamental. I mean name the amount of trouble someone could get through. Well guess what? That's my colour chart, the range of colours could certainly blind your eye sight from a mile away. Hounded i say by trouble, Giana plays a blessed soul that constantly surrounds herself by a chain . No, i call it a multiplication of test by the man above to see how far her boundaries could be pushed and to which point will she indeed choose sanity or insanity?

Conclusion: I find myself greatly disturbed of my tolerance to pain. Sometimes, i figured if i seem "MEH" i could indeed be less stressed and take the devil by its horn and say the big fat " F YOU " because I'm beyond this. How scary, it is to be in the unknown and that's my dark cloud. The big black hole of nothing swirling in my mirror, that's my future dangling by the Achilles heel.

I suppose that's human dilemma, I'm hoping the subsidised "busy" schedule i have this month would soon turn to ease in May clearing that rather cluttered head of mine. The home can be filled with home cooked meals, Loving cats & my nights with good books curled in my hand. Ha, yes fate laugh me in my face and say dream on!
I smell a good image of my body running about in endless chores of business.
Sometimes, i wonder why don't i have two of me? One could be the vision which is my entrepreneurial side and the other the home maker where i can indulge in a carefully chosen lifestyle which mainly depicts a Pilate's session and Martha Stewart moment with my freshly baked apple pies.

So, slowly breeding my skills into a queen of cards. Silly enough, i could not even handle a day off on a good Friday? Practically in jitters, i sat for a moment feeling a giant pang of...... guilt? Its as though i have programmed myself to fill in action in my day. This is when i think my head needs a rest and a holiday.

Here i began to conjure my dream city and life in New York. I could almost taste and smell the NY air from the last trip. Secretly,i so badly want to pick up my bags and go. Where i could just use even a second to diminish any existing point of madness and just wave the magic wand to form my very piece of art. The tales of travel, my wide eye expression and my magic sponge effect in which i absorb everything in my environment. I sense the building forms, the movement of trees and people. The change of air and smell, entangle in a moment. I crave for those moments which i so long haven't seen.

This is the year, where i am almost quite certain and determine to wash off that chalk board dream and almost tattoo it into my skin . It will be better despite certain circumstances, surely i can do it. I keep getting little mini signs or drop of hints with New York, *chuckles* i reckon its my mind projecting what i want.

twitch* twitch* My eye is doing some weird heart thumping moment in the corner.
Must be excited for my sudden need of an adventure, before i get ahead of myself
and start speeding off into the green light.
I take a big gulp of air, sweep my fringe to the side & do an upward motion with my arms. I quietly pray "to the big guy up there" and believe that as i search in between this web of mess. My little butterfly of hope always appears when i need it most.